91 [S5] Harris
/Transcript
Full show notes: https://www.adopteeson.com/listen/91
Episode Transcription by Fayelle Ewuakye. Find her on Twitter at @FayelleEwuakye
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(intro music)
Haley - You are listening to Adoptees On, the podcast where adoptees discuss the adoption experience. This is episode 91, Harris. I’m your host, Haley Radke. Welcome to the newest series of Adoptees On, where we’ll be discussing addiction and recovery. Today Harris Coltrain shares his story of alcohol and drug addiction. And how fatherhood was his motivation to get clean and sober. Harris and I also talk about how challenging mainstream recovery programs can be for adopted people because their experiences as adoptees with adoption trauma can be invalidated. We wrap up with some recommended resources, and as always, links to everything we’ll be talking about today are at adopteeson.com. Let’s listen in.
(upbeat music)
Haley - I’m so pleased to welcome to Adoptees On, Harris Coltrain. Welcome Harris!
Harris – Haley, thanks so much for having me on the show.
Haley - I can’t wait to hear your story! I don't know any of it, it’s all gonna be a surprise to me!
Harris - Well where would you like me to start?
Haley - Right at the beginning, go for it!
Harris - Alright, well I was adopted, or I was born in December of 1970 and I was adopted about I think it was the third week of March in 1971 by a family in Richmond, Virginia. I was born in Bethesda Naval Hospital. And it was a closed adoption for the most part. My adopted parents did actually know my name, my birth name, but I didn't find that out til later on, probably I guess I was 18 or 19 years old when I uncovered that. And then about 11 years ago, actually last month, I found my biological family, both my biological mother and biological father’s side. So I went from being the oldest of three to being the oldest of 11.
Haley - Whoa.
Harris - Yes. So I don't talk to all of them all of the time, it’s just too much. But I have good relationships with both brothers and sisters as well as my biological father. On both sides of the family, my mother that raised me as well as my biological mother, unfortunately they both passed away the same year.
Haley - I’m sorry.
Harris - Yeah, that was back in 2011 and 2012. But I did get to spend some time with her initially and it was, so far it’s been a very positive experience.
Haley - That’s great! That’s great, so you have been in reunion for 11 years.
Harris - Correct.
Haley - With different people on both sides. Okay.
Harris - Yeah. Not everyone has spoken to me. I do have a few members of the family that have chosen not to speak to me, but a majority of them have and over the years I’ve been able to establish good relationships and I really, it’s great, it’s been a wonderful experience.
Haley - Oh that’s awesome. Okay, well let’s pause there, well let’s rewind a bit I guess.
Harris - Okay.
Haley - Why don't you talk us through a little bit about growing up and then what sort of happened into young adulthood, etc.
Harris - Sure. I think that I was 7 years old when I first was told that it was adopted. The way that it was presented to me, was I guess this would have been 19, gosh, 77, pretty standard, you know, the way that it was told to me. And that they had gotten some books and a few other things and sat me down and tried to explain what adoption was and what all this meant. But unfortunately at such a young age, I guess your intellect has a difficult time processing some of these things and it was very difficult for me to understand. I think there’s a disconnect between sort of, understanding and then how you felt about it, right? So I think I understood what they meant but it didn't make me feel very good. So, but even before then, I’d had some I think, glaring adoptee issues as a young child. My mother did a lot of work to try and assist with that. And was always very supportive, even when I went to find my biological family. Was always very supportive of me, and in fact, she even met some of them. So it wasn’t something that they were trying to hide per se.
Haley – And so when you say the glaring adoptee issues, what sorts of things do you mean by that?
Harris - Well, I was connected with sort of a profound sadness. I look at pictures of myself when I was 4 and 5 and 6 years old and you can kind of see that, I think, in me. obviously I had some behavioral issues that were promptly misdiagnosed by many, many people back then. They never addressed the adoption issue directly. It was mostly about my relationship with my adopted parents and I guess other diagnosis that they thought was the case. So, but it wasn’t until recently that I connected obviously with Pam at Adoptees Connect and have started going over some literature that it’s been very beneficial. I can now look back on my life and see the problems that I had.
Haley - So you’re talking about Pamela Karanova, and Adoptees Connect is a peer led support group that she started out, and now there’s, we have one in my city. I co lead that with a friend.
Harris - Excellent.
Haley - And they’re all over. So adopteesconnect.com has links to all of those adoptee support groups. Okay, sorry, let’s go back.
Harris - Yeah, sure.
Haley - I just wanted to make sure everybody knew who you were talking about there. Okay, so you have been able to look back with the lens of new information from connecting with other adoptees.
Harris - Yeah, absolutely. obviously I read some of the books, The Primal Wound, Journey of the Adopted Self, fantastic books. And they really gave me a new perspective on life in general. And it allowed me to step back and like you said, look through the lens and see some of the problems that I had throughout my life, not just when I was a young child. And see that most of them were directly related to adoptee related issues.
Haley - That’s interesting. So what happened for you as a teen and young adult then? You’ve got this profound sadness and some behavioral things. What sort of stuff started showing up for you?
Harris - In a general way, I think what happened is I never just, I perceived life, the world was sort of a hostile place that you know, people weren’t to be trusted. And that just kind of came natural for me. Now I understand why. But at 8 or 9 years old, it’s very difficult to articulate that and sort of explain what’s going on in your insides to other people. But having gone through the trauma of being separated from the birth mother and some of the things and how it kind of shapes self, some of those feelings and the way that I looked at the world kind of drove my behavior as a young child, up until my early teen years. So as far as the recovery part of this goes, I would say, I think I started self-medicating, drinking, initially at around 11 years old. And then got into drugs later on in high school.
Haley - You started drinking when you were 11, you said?
Harris - Yes.
Haley - Oh my goodness.
Harris - Yeah, I didn’t give myself much time, did I?
Haley - Wow, so my goodness, that’s like shocking to me. I guess, I'm sort of innocent in these things. So what did that look like day to day I guess, as a teenager?
Harris - Well, what I found is, when you’re going through life and you don't really feel good about yourself, obviously you know you have self-worth issues. I dealt with a lot of anger, some depression, some sadness. And on a day to day basis, deep down inside, I knew something was wrong, but I could never put my finger on it. But the result, the outcome of that was that I generally felt bad about just life in general. And so when you find alcohol and drugs, in my case alcohol first, and you find something that makes you feel good for once, it’s very easy to latch on to. Because if you go through a large portion of your life always wondering what’s going on, and why I do I feel this way, and why can’t I change the way I feel. And then all of a sudden you find this magic elixir, and it takes all your fear away, liquid courage and makes you feel better about yourself and kind of “normal”. Not too hard to take off with it.
Haley – And so did you like, I mean, I know it’s a problem at 11 if you’re drinking, but did you find it impeding things for you? What did that look like?
Harris - It started off pretty slowly. When I say started drinking, it might have been every other month, having a little bit. Here and there. But by the time I was 13 years old, I would say that had narrowed to maybe every 2 weeks. And I had at that time starting smoking marijuana as well. And then once I got into high school it kind of accelerated a little bit and I was doing cocaine by 15 years old and then heroine at 20.
Haley - I don't understand how you can get that stuff when you’re so little. I don't know, is this, I’m like, maybe I’m like switching to mom mode and thinking about my kids. I was like, don't tell us like, exactly how you, I don't wanna give tips.
Harris - No, it was, well, I grew up in an area in Richmond, Virginia where unfortunately it was, drugs and alcohol were readily available.
Haley – And so were your friends using as well?
Harris - Some of them yes.
Haley - Okay. Yep.
Harris - I had friends with older brothers, so that made it pretty easy to obtain a lot of these things. And I guess at the time, the environment I was in, that was unfortunately kind of the status quo, a lot of people did it.
Haley - Okay. So what does life look for you, like for you as a young adult. Were you planning on going to college, what was on the radar for you when you’re going through this, using?
Harris - Well I did fairly well in high school surprisingly, and I preferred to work. I did do some college early on there in Richmond, Virginia, but I got started working when I was 15 years old, actively. And then when I was 19 years old, I worked for Applebee’s Corporation and I became a corporate trainer. And at that time, what that meant was, is they would send you around the southeast to open up new stores. And I really enjoyed that, I liked the travel, I liked meeting new people, I liked the job that I had. So I worked with those guys for quite a few years and that’s actually how I ended up out here in Louisville, Kentucky from Richmond, Virginia, is opening up stores. So my focus at that time was to work within the restaurant business, specifically Applebee’s, and try to move on from there. That didn't work out over time because of my addiction. As my addiction accelerated and I got to the point where it was difficult for me to function and I started to lose these jobs. And not be able to make it to work and things like that.
Haley - Is that when you figured out maybe this is not helpful?
Harris - Well I think I knew at 17 or 18 years old that I had a pretty significant issue.
Haley - Okay.
Harris - But like most alcoholics and drug addicts, you say things to yourself and you put stuff off and you procrastinate and there comes a point where you have to have an epiphany. And you have to hit that bottom for things to change. And that bottom for me was when I was really 24 or 25 years old. So I have a son who is now 25 years old. And he was out here in Kentucky. And I was going through my addiction when he was very, very young. Like a year, a year and a half old. And being a father to him really helped motivate me to change my life. So that’s when I made the change, back in 1996. So it was really stepping back and taking a look at being a father. And what was going on in my life and realizing that I had to do something. So I went to The Healing Place, here in Louisville Kentucky. And it is a long term, free at the time, I think it still is free, drug and alcohol treatment center and I stayed there for 15 months. They really did everything they could. It’s a great organization, it’s a great facility to go to, they have a high recovery rate. And got me clean and sober.
Haley - Wow. So, talk to us a little about that. What was that like, what were those 15 months like, what were you learning, what were you doing?
Harris - Well at the time I was homeless. So The Healing Place at that time, they’ve made some changes over the years, but it was a homeless shelter coupled with a recovery center. So when you initially went there you went to a detox. It was a nonmedical detox. And you’re usually there for about 3 to 5 days. Depending on what was going on with you. And then once the 3 to 5 days were done, you went into the program, they called it Off the Street. And Off the Street is where you lived in the portion of The Healing Place that had the homeless shelter in it. And it was called OTS1 which is Off the Street 1. And you would stay there typically for I don't know, 4 to 6 weeks. And then you would move on through the program and so the initial program itself for me was 7 and a half months at the actual main facility and then another 7 and a half months at a halfway house. And what that really allows you to do, especially with individuals that have severe addiction, a lot of the 30 days treatment programs just simply don't work for people anymore and they need an environment and longer term care to get these problems rectified. And that’s, at the time it was perfect for me and that’s what I needed. So it worked out great. I’ve got 22 years clean and sober so far.
Haley - Since leaving there?
Harris - I’m sorry, 21 years.
Haley - So you went into that program. And you’ve been sober since.
Harris - That is correct.
Haley - Wow, so one of your motivations for going in was having your son. And you said earlier, Harris, that you can look back and see a lot of these things are adoptee issues that caused you to go into addiction kind of in the first place. So can you talk a little bit about that? How motivating it was for your son to like, just choosing, like, I gotta show up for him.
Harris - Yeah, absolutely. So I was so happy to have him and I actually moved from Richmond, Virginia out here. The young lady that I met, she lived out here and I met her when I was working with Applebee’s. And so I had moved out here to be with them. And I was in a very bad time in my addiction. And I just realized that I had to do something to get better. And I would look at him and know that I just had to be a better father and I had to make a change. And so I did. And it was the best thing I ever did.
Haley - That’s, it’s so inspiring. And I also think unusual. Because I don't know like, cold turkey is not the right word for that. But just like you went into recovery and you worked on it and you’ve stayed sober, that’s just seems really unusual.
Harris - Well the recovery rate unfortunately for individuals, especially with drugs, typically long term recovery, 5 years or more, I think hovers around 6 or 7%.
Haley - Wow.
Harris - Gratefully, The Healing Place, I think, has a much higher recovery rate. I don't wanna quote it because I don't know exactly what it is, but they have a model that works, that’s actually being duplicated all over the country from Raleigh, North Carolina to Richmond, Virginia. They have Healing Places now in many other cities. Because they do understand that people that have addiction issues, drinking issues, a lot of times they need more than just 30 or 45 days somewhere. Yeah it was challenging at first. Absolutely. In the first 2 years I think of recovery, is challenging for anybody.
Haley - Well what did that, what was that like for you? Because you said you went in and you were homeless and you had lost jobs and I mean, how do you get back to you know, working and having a home and you said that they had some residential part of their program. So you had somewhere. But once you were done, where did you go?
Harris - Right, so gratefully, I met some wonderful friends. And The Healing Place also had some great resources. And so I was able to go to the University of Louisville for computer science, after I had finished the program and I also had some individuals that helped me while I was in school both financially and just helped me out in other ways as well. And then I was able to do that, and then kind of get out in the job market, out here, I guess I wanna say 1999. And I’ve just been going ever since.
Haley - Alright so you were in IT for Y2K, that’s fun!
Harris – And it wasn’t. But yeah, that was early on. I’ve been working in IT really since 1999.
Haley - So what is fatherhood looked like to you now, Harris?
Harris - Well I have three children now. I’ve got a 25 year old, a 6 year old, and a 1 year old. So fatherhood is busy.
Haley - Wow.
Harris - Which I’m sure you understand.
Haley - I do. So I have 2 boys and they’re, right when we’re recording, they’re 4 and 6. So I’m very busy too.
Harris - So between my job and my kids, yeah, I stay pretty busy for sure.
Haley - Yep. So recovery for that long, I mean, have there been points where you were tempted or were you just so focused on, I have to be a good dad and that is not a part of what that looks like?
Harris – Well let me jump back a little bit to adoptee issues in recovery. So one of the benefits that I found in recovery is they lay a great foundation for dealing with issues. Whether that’s working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous or learning about support groups, or learning some of the techniques that you use to deal with your emotional landscape per se on a daily basis. So how it relates to adoption is, even when I got into recovery, I still had the adoptee issues. And one of the downsides to that is when I did try to share that and explain that to individuals within my support group, they still didn't understand. And I think adoptees and people with other issues as well, when they go in, some things you can relate to and then other things you can't. But the good part of this is that the tools that I took away from recovery helped me manage, whether that’s, like I said, sharing with a support group, journaling, writing, doing things that you know, help you deal with your emotions. And adoptee related issues. So recovery really laid the foundation for that and that has helped me very much over the years. The downside, like I said, the downside was that you’re dealing with people that still don't understand adoptee issues. So if those issues come up, even when I was in recovery, it was very difficult for me to get any help with that because people didn't understand what was going on.
Haley - Right, so you were probably still hearing the like, well, you should still be grateful or you know, those kind of things?
Harris - Well a little bit. But you know, sometimes when you’re trying to articulate what’s going on in your insides and you pass that along to people who don’t share that same experience, they don't really pick up on what’s going on. And they try to attribute it to other things.
Haley - Okay.
Harris - Because they simply don't know.
Haley - Right, right.
Harris - And a lot of adoptees, and truth be told, I didn't know, you know? I didn't know why I felt the way I did about certain things or why I looked at life a certain way or why I had, have trouble with relationships. Or why you may have anger issues. Reuniting with my biological family did help with some of that.
Haley - Well that’s what it was gonna ask you about actually. Because that’s about, you said that was 11 years ago, so you’re about halfway through your clean and sober to this point years, what spurred you on to search for them? And were you worried that searching might trigger something for you?
Harris – Well I was initially not interested when I was younger. It wasn’t something, although my adoption sort of linger in the background most of my life. I was not interested in finding my biological family. I have a sister that was also adopted, that I grew up with and she found her biological family 12 years before I did. And she, in Virginia, when you’re 18 years old, you’re allowed, I don't know if they’ve changed the law, but in the 90s you were allowed to get what’s called a heritage summary. Which gives you a brief overview of what they can, by law, share about your biological family. In her case, her mother had gone to the adoption agency and actually left a note in there that had said, pay them whatever they want and come find me. And she had a wonderful experience as well. So when I got into my 30s there and just decided, I guess I was 37 at the time, decided it was time to go ahead and take a look. So I took what information I had and I found them.
Haley - And were you worried that any of this would bring up feelings that were too big? Or were you just kind of like, well maybe I should look and you weren’t even really thinking about the implications this could have?
Harris – Well a little bit of both. I mean, there’s a lot of nervousness but at the same time, there was a lot of excitement. I was very interested in finding brothers, sisters, parents, etc. And although I knew there were gonna be some problems, I thought they would be overcome and they were. Yes. So everybody on both sides of the family was very ingratiating they were nice to me, like I said, for the most part. And it couldn’t have gone better.
Haley - That’s great. Well let’s go back to talking about recovery plus adoptee issues. And because you’ve had you know, so many years of living the recovery life, and understanding the tools that you need to stay sober, it seems like the adoptee kind of piece is fairly recent for you to look back through that lens. So now can you kind of combine those and kind of talk about what you think might be more challenging for adopted people who are having addiction issues or are in recovery and might be struggling?
Harris - Yeah. Well I think one of the first things we need to kind of overcome on the adoptee side of things, is understanding that there are people in the rooms that are not gonna be able to relate to your adoptee issues. And then finding people in recovery perhaps that are adopted. That you can share with. And kind of open up with.
Haley – So people that are likely going to maybe an AA meeting or something like that, may not find, as you said before, like they don't get it.
Harris - Let’s call it complete relief. Well I think some of the adoptee issues are things that need to be worked on over time in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, you do do a fourth and fifth step where you take a searching personal inventory of yourself but that’s a one time thing. Many people do work the steps, multiple times over multiple years and I think that’s a fine idea. But like with many traumatic events, whether it’s different types of abuse or adoptee issues or PTSD, you just can't go through these things one time and do it, it’s something that is ongoing. And so with adoptee issues, although you may have “worked the steps” and done everything you’ve needed to do, you still find that you have these things cropping up all the time. Whether that, like I said, whether that’s issues with relationships with other things that go on. So with adoptees, they’re gonna need to address those perhaps outside of the rooms.
Haley - Okay.
Harris - Whether that’s therapy or different types of support groups or a combination of all of those I think would probably be best.
Haley - And what would you say, I guess, I don't know. This might just be a rhetorical question, but like, what’s the most invalidating thing that people could say in, if you’re sharing in a, like I don’t know, I’ve never been in an AA meeting. But if you’re sharing something about being adopted, like what are the invalidating things that you might have heard that could trigger someone?
Harris – Well when you’re dealing with individuals that unfortunately aren’t experienced in, you know, and haven’t gone through what you’ve gone through, nor are they trained specialists for that matter, a lot of times you may hear something along the lines of, well perhaps you didn’t do something correctly. Which alludes to you didn't work the steps correctly.
Haley - Oh.
Harris - Right, or something along those lines. You find that unfortunately in many recovery groups, not just Alcoholics Anonymous, when individuals that don't understand different types of mental illness or traumatic, people that have been abused and stuff like that, they go through the process and they’re not “completely healed”. So you may get some feedback along those lines.
Haley - Okay, so it’s like, it’s putting the blame back on the person—
Harris - On the person, yes.
Haley - Oh.
Harris - There is a lot of focus on individual responsibility, cleaning up your side of the street, in recovery programs. And I do agree with that. I do think that people should you know, take ownership of the part that they played in something. As I like to say, everybody eats a piece of the blame pie.
Haley - Yum.
Harris - So you know, your piece might be bigger than the next person’s, you know, given the set of circumstances, but at the same time a lot of people in the rooms don't have a deeper understanding of what adoptees go through and the problems that they face. So sometimes they draw incorrect conclusions, simply because they don't have the information they need. And then the feedback that they provide can be not helpful.
Haley - And what do you think about this? I think that there’s a lot of adoptees in the online community, which, you know, we’ll say later where we can find you online. But there’s a lot of adoptees that do figure out okay, I've got issues because of my adoption. And then that’s kind of where they stay stuck. And we, yes, adoption happened to us, but now what are we gonna do about it. Do you ever hear that from other adoptees, what are your thoughts on that?
Harris - Sometimes. I have, like I said just recently gotten into the material myself. But I don't think we need to stay stuck. There are things that we can do. There is, by no means am I an expert, but I’m sure there’s things that we can do to move the healing process forward.
Haley - Yeah I think, isn’t it a combo, right, like I think it’s a combo. It’s like, we, yes we can look at our lives and see a lot of issues that stem from adoption trauma in my opinion. And then also, we can't just keep this seat of victim forever. So it’s like, both of these things.
Harris - Yeah I don’t think playing the victim for long periods of time is healthy. I think that some of the issues that adoptees may find they have when they were younger, these behaviors were adaptive. When you’re 8 and 9 years old, there may be things that you do in your mind and your psyche, whether that’s fantasizing or compartmentalization or rationalizing or justification. And you do that as a matter of survival because it’s very difficult for your mind to process. I know it was for me when I was a young child, to process the feelings and thoughts associated with now knowing that you’re adopted. The problem is when you carry that into adulthood, it now becomes a maladaptive behavior. Because you’re unable to move forward because you’re stuck. And I think that people need to get unstuck with that. Now recognizing just exactly what your particular issue is an adoptee, obviously is up to that person, everybody uses different defense mechanisms to cope. So, I look at it like this, we can get better, but I do believe a lot of times there’s always gonna be that emotional scar tissue as I like to call it. It’s always gonna be there in some regards.
Haley - Well said, I like that. Okay. Well is there anything else that you wanna touch on that you think adoptees need to know about recovery, things that maybe they should look for in themselves, if seeing if they have a problem. You already said you were 17 and you knew like, this is kind of off the rails. But like, what are some things to look out for in ourselves and any comments on that?
Harris - I guess first I would say to adoptees that are struggling with alcoholism and addiction, to take a look at some of the problems that may be related specifically to your adoption trauma and try to deal with those as you move forward in trying to get clean and sober. Because they can be stumbling blocks for sure. As for adoptees that are already clean and sober and working on issues, and maybe they're not aware like I wasn’t, as you go through life and you realize that you still have things going on inside of you that are difficult to understand, I would say to use the tools that the recovery community has provided for you. But at the same time, try to learn as much as you can and get educated about, whether that’s reading The Primal Wound or another one of these books or going to one of these Adoptees Connect groups obviously, and just sharing and learning about what’s going on inside of you so you can better cope and manage on a day to day basis.
Haley - Thank you. Yeah, those are, that’s good advice. So you mentioned Adoptees Connect again, can you just share a little bit, without breaking confidentiality, what has it meant to you to be in the same space as other adopted people?
Harris – It’s been a lifesaver. I believe it was late March or April of this year, I was going through some things emotionally and I started to think to myself, is this something to do with my adoption? I am 21 years clean and sober and this stuff keeps cropping up and it just doesn’t make any sense because in my mind I’d done everything that I needed to do. So I got online and started doing some searching and guess who’s blog I ran across? Pamela’s. So I started reading what she had to say and I immediately related. And it really hit home for me. And so I ended up just giving her a call. I wanna say in April. And she suggested some reading and we met for the first time and just taking it from there.
Haley - And so Pamela Karanova, she has a couple different blogs but one of them is adopteeinrecovery.com. So is that the one that you came across?
Harris - I believe so.
Haley – She’s great, I love her. Well, it’s a lifesaver, that’s pretty good to know.
Harris - Well, you know, it just really opened my eyes. And when I was reading through some of the material, especially the Journey of the Adopted Self, where she went through and talked to different adoptees and they were able to share their experience with her which she put into her book. And I would read that it would just really hit home and I would say, you know I’ve never been able to put it exactly into words the way that she has, but that’s exactly how I feel. You know, that’s what’s going on.
Haley - Oh my goodness, when we can finally find that validation, it’s just so good. Like what is there a better moment than that? It’s like the lightbulb moment.
Harris - Yes. But it, you know, I also had to put it down a couple of times. Yes, the Primal Wound, I have definitely put that book down at least three or four times.
Haley - Yeah, it’s heavy, heavy stuff. All good. Well thanks so much for sharing your story with us, Harris. Now let’s go and do our recommended resources. And I wanna share about a new book that I actually got to read the advanced copy, this is so exciting. My name is on the inside of this book, it’s so cool. It’s not that I wrote it, I just wrote a little review. My friend Karen Pickell wrote, An Adoptee Lexicon. And it is so, it’s so different, it’s such a different book. It’s a series of micro essays, yeah, and so Karen will just pick a different word like, I’m just flipping through. Relinquish, putative father, placement, maternity home, baby scoop era, all these words that if you’ve been in adoption land for any length of time, you would hear regularly. And so Karen does micro essays on each one and sometimes she’s literally just addressing the topic and it might just be just a informative piece about that specific thing. But also she weaves in her story throughout and I really enjoyed reading it, I got to know Karen better. And also, it’s one of those things where I read it and I’m like, oh my goodness, when I hear that word, it makes me feel sick and this is why. Now I know why. So yeah, I’d recommend if you guys are interested in reading more about Karen’s story and just about the charged language in adoption. It’s called An Adoptee Lexicon and you can get it on raisedvoicepress.com or if you just look up Karen Pickell, you can find it as well. The other thing that Karen does and I’ve recommended this before, but this will be a little bonus, is she has the website adopteereading.com where she has a huge library of books there, written by adoptees. And there’s a few that aren’t, but everything on there is either written by adoptees, or themed on adoptee issues or topics that adoptees would be interested in. So when you run out of books that Pamela recommended to you, Harris, you can go to Adoptee Reading and find some more.
Harris - Absolutely,
Haley - And it’s not just like those big heavy tomes, like the Primal Wound, but it’s also memoirs and fiction books and all kinds of different styles of books that you will love, love to read.
Harris – Alright! Sounds good.
Haley - And what did you wanna recommend.
Harris - Well my resource was going to be The Healing Place which I’ve obviously talked quite a bit about here on this podcast. But they helped save my life and I’m very grateful for the services that they offered and the opportunity to have even gone through that facility. So I believe you can give donations on their website. I haven’t looked in a while, they’re going through some upgrades right now, but if anybody would like to, please go to the website and donate to help them out. They are a nonprofit organization that is run on donations only.
Haley - And what’s the website address for them?
Harris - It’s www.thehealingplace.org.
Haley - And tell us one more time, what city is that in?
Harris - That is in Louisville, Kentucky.
Haley – Thank you, well when you were talking about the program earlier in the show I was like, wow, that’s amazing. Like it just sounds really amazing. And it saved your life. That’s pretty high praise. Well, thank you so much Harris, it’s been such a pleasure chatting with you and hearing your story. I can't wait to share it with my listeners. And my question for you is, where can we connect with you online?
Harris – Okay, well if anyone would like to contact me, please contact me at harrisC70@yahoo.com. And that’s H-A-R-R-I-S and C for Coltrain and then 70 at yahoo.com.
Haley - Perfect. And you’re not on social, because you’re in IT and you know better.
Harris - Yes. I do not have a Facebook account or Instagram or Twitter.
Haley - That’s alright, we will email you, email Harris if you have questions about The Healing Place, if you have, he might be maybe be able to give you some advice about where to go to find support. He can probably point you in the right direction now that you’ve had so many years of recovery and going to different support groups and a variety of things.
Harris - I’m happy to help, if anybody has any questions or just wants to chit chat, feel free.
Haley - Perfect, thanks so much Harris.
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Haley - One of the best and easiest ways for you to support the work of Adoptees On, is actually just by telling one friend about the podcast. Maybe you have a favorite episode you could bring to your adoptees support group and share. Maybe there is an episode that is a really similar story to a friend of yours that’s adopted. And you can share that with them. I would love it if you would tell just one person about the podcast. That is the best way for it to grow and to help more adoptees around the world. The other amazing way people are supporting this show is by becoming a monthly financial partner with me. And that helps cover all the production costs of running the podcasts. So if you are able to do that, I would love your support, adopteeson.com/partner and you can stand with me monthly as a financial partner. That’s such a gift. And helps me grow the show as well. Thanks so much for listening, let’s talk again next Friday.
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