301 [Healing Series] Wounds of Childhood with Anna Linde, Sexologist
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Full shownotes: https://www.adopteeson.com/listen/301
Haley Radke: [00:00:00] This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only. Nothing stated on it either by its hosts or any guests, is to be construed as psychological, medical, or legal advice.
You are listening to Adoptees On the podcast where adoptees discuss the adoption experience. I'm Haley Radke. This is a special episode in our healing series where we bring on adoptee experts to tackle issues that may impact our mental health. Most often we're talking with therapists, but today I invited Anna Linde a sexologist to talk with us about the impacts of childhood sexual abuse on adopted people.
This issue is so prevalent in our community, and yet hardly anyone ever talks about it. We have talked about so many difficult things on this show that I think we're finally ready. So we do [00:01:00] keep this to a high level discussion, but please take care when deciding if this is a safe episode for you to listen to.
We also always have transcripts available. If that feels like a less triggering option for you, there is a link in the show notes. Before we get started, I want to personally invite you to join our Patreon adoptee community on adopteeson.com/community, which helps support you and also the show to support more adoptees around the world.
Links to everything we'll be talking about today are on the website, adopteeson.com. Let's listen in.
I am so pleased to welcome to Adoptees On Anna Linde. Welcome Anna. How are you?
Anna Linde, MSc: Thank you. I'm great and I'm happy to be here.
Haley Radke: I'm so glad to finally speak with you and you are a multicultural world traveler. And why don't you start by sharing just a little bit of [00:02:00] your story with us, because I think it will hit how many countries you've been in.
Anna Linde, MSc: True. So I am adopted from Brazil. And I'm raised in Sweden. So I lived maybe my first 34 years in Sweden, some something like this. And then we moved to Spain and we lived in Portugal. And we were traveling around in Europe and now we live in Thailand since one and a half years.
Haley Radke: Amazing. That's a lot of places. And you are a sexologist, which some people might not know what that term is. Can you tell us what led you to study that and what is a sexologist?
Anna Linde, MSc: What led me to study sexology is when I had my kids and I realized how much of my own story and background and roots and fear that was included automatically in the experience of giving [00:03:00] birth.
And then when I was sitting in that situation, or when I was giving birth, and I had all of these questions coming up from my body, and I had all of the other questions that I had already in my head, I was hoping to find a way on how to make meaning out of them somehow. And I already had my bachelor in social work.
So then when I got a divorce, I was Googling what was possible to study and I found sexology for this master. So then I thought, yeah, why not? How could sex be boring? What's the first
Haley Radke: It really isn't
Anna Linde, MSc: Somehow, but yeah. But of course it's different to study it than if you think about it. That's a funny. Funny thing, but it's really been an eyeopener in so many ways. So I'm very happy for that choice.
Haley Radke: And so when you think about how you were taken from [00:04:00] Brazil and brought to Sweden and the critiques of adoption that Sweden has now been having now in the early 2020s what was the impact that adoption had on you and how do you see it now from the adult perspective?
Anna Linde, MSc: So I think it's important to make a difference in what you think personally from your own story, because I think in from that perspective, we will all have very different experiences or very different thoughts.
I'm very privileged because I've been to Brazil and I met my biological mom. I met everybody in my family. So for me personally, I've been able to make a little closure with that part of me, or the not knowing part or the why did you gave me away part. So I think if I wouldn't have that experience, I would think totally different about adoption, [00:05:00] but.
Based on what I just said I think Sweden deserves all the critique. I think there's a lot of stupidity, a lot of mistakes that are not mistakes, but that are planned. And there's a lot of bleep that has been ongoing. So I'm very happy that Sweden finally gets critique for what is not okay that has been going on.
But me personally, I think I have a very privileged situation or relationship to my adoption with good connection with my adoptive parents, with good opportunities and not so many mental health challenges as many others. That's, that of course makes it easier to just look at the critique and feel that I'm upset.
It's upsetting what has been going on, but I'm also feeling more of a calm feeling inside that finally, the truth is here and [00:06:00] many people can get some ratification now instead.
Haley Radke: Definitely. I'm finding it very fascinating watching the implications for international adoption and what countries are deciding to do on a case by case basis.
And I think we're living in interesting times, Anna where the truth is being revealed. So that's good. Anyway, we didn't come to talk about that today specifically. We came to talk about something even more difficult and in our first meeting I was sharing with you that over the years of doing this show, I have had a heartbreaking number of adoptees reach out to me to either share their personal experiences with having received sexual abuse at either the hands of an adoptive parent or an adopted sibling, or extended family member, or looking for help [00:07:00] with these things, and I often didn't know where to send them. And it's like a taboo topic and it's such a difficult thing to talk about because I think it's way more prevalent than people think. And of course there's reasons for that and we can talk about that. One of them being, I think, like I'll just say, when you're adopted into a family, then the taboo of incestuous behavior can be quote unquote removed for the adoptive family members. And so I just think we're just at a higher risk for being taken advantage of. What are your thoughts on that?
Anna Linde, MSc: Yeah. So first of all, I think exactly like you're saying that this is such a, this is a [00:08:00] difficult topic to approach, but just to remind you how important your work is being people, being able to even reach out to you about it and you catalyzing it like this, making an episode about it so that we can, talk about it for all of these individuals that have emailed you, because then this episode is for them.
Of course. And for everybody else that is affected by it. And that's really important to just, remind us that even if a lot of people are suffering and have been suffering, this is why what we're doing counts. And it is important because they are not alone. They are actually not at all alone.
Haley Radke: No.
Anna Linde, MSc: And from a Swedish perspective, which is a pretty good example, we have a very colorblind ideology in Sweden, which means that we don't see color because it's racist. Which is basically how I'm raised. [00:09:00] But we are in the same time over focusing in color, which means that a lot of adoptive parents and a lot of adults have been, it's been possible for them to express their desire of having children with almond eyes or chocolate skin or these type of things and, getting away with expressing themself in this way.
And I'm also not saying that these individuals or these parents have necessarily have had an an evil plan with that. But as a society, this have, opened the doors for it being accepted for our bodies to be desired in this way. And, having a body that's always visible.
As a child when adults or siblings but like, when [00:10:00] adults are a part of that desire, a part in looking at our bodies as others a part in, it being okay for them to be curious. That's of course moving the boundaries or, the normal or like the wished way. We want adults to interact with children when it comes to intimacy and sexuality.
So there's a lot of pieces in the puzzle around adoptees and adoptee bodies. And another part that I think matters is that we came to this family as a transaction, or the transaction was a big part of it, which also gives a different flavor on what we mean when we talk about quality in a relationship.
So there's a lot of subtle things and there's a lot of things that, that, makes this complicated. [00:11:00] And also the idea of that we should be grateful because if I am raised with the idea that I should be grateful of what I have, what I got in whatever that means. That means that I'm will probably not say no and I need to say no 'cause I learned that I should be grateful.
And if we then have a child that doesn't learn to say no, doesn't learn that you are supposed to say no, you have the right to say no. You have the right to your body and to have privacy. Rather the opposite, that we have children that are, othered, racialized sexualized by adults and nobody's protecting them from it.
Then the distance or, the time span for being sexually abused or having people that are supposed to be safe. To, walk over those boundaries or into that private space is much, much shorter. And I think that's a [00:12:00] big problem. All of these things that I said, I think all of them separately is a really big problem.
And then, there's probably more things in this that matters, but for me, those are the things that are the most visible.
Haley Radke: It's a perfect storm, right? All the things together. Yeah. In your experience, do you think that adoptees are more more affected by this than the general population. I don't like, we already always critique that there's not enough studies on adoptees, and so I'm assuming that there's not really too many studies, especially on this particular topic either, when frankly, we can't even get accurate numbers of how many adopted people there are, just as like a one.
Anna Linde, MSc: But if we look how closely related adoption is to human trafficking, [00:13:00] unfortunately, then it's also very easy to think that sometimes what is actually trafficking gets the title or name adoption because people can get away with that somewhere somehow. And that's one part that makes it really tricky, I think to actually see what is what.
Also, because of all of the different legalizations and laws in different countries and corruption and all of these things that has been possible because of corruption, because of the adults working in these organizations. But if you just look at any person who is traumatized, they will always have a different, understanding of the rights to have boundaries.
They will because they have been, walked over or it could be bullied, it could be whatever type of trauma as adoption is a [00:14:00] trauma for that child. Then, if you're acting out, then you are in more danger of meeting people that are, going to answer to those behavior in maybe a negative way.
Also in the same way, if you are, very different, you are very visible. And if you're very visible, then people see you. So there's a lot of things that I think makes adoptees in more danger for things, but also because we have a lot of already mental health challenges, issues, and all of the other, following problems and challenges for us in general.
So I would say yes, based on that. How would we not get more problems or get more in, dangerous situations as well.
Haley Radke: So this is one of those things that people mostly keep private, there's a great sense of shame, meaning, it was my [00:15:00] fault or I deserved it, or those kinds of things.
So you just keep it secret or hidden. When someone has put that away, what are some of the things that can happen in their lives that they might not necessarily attribute to this hidden childhood sexual abuse, but can come out in other ways? Maladaptive behaviors, let's say.
Anna Linde, MSc: So first of all, just to, to name what we're talking about when we're saying shame.
One thing that is really common is that adoptees, we swallow shame better than others because we are already carrying a lot of shame around our identities, as in not being able to stay in my own family, or the idea that it has to be something wrong with me. Because my mom didn't keep me or whatever thoughts that is, or whatever words there [00:16:00] is to describe it.
But many have and feel a strong sense of shame over their existence, over their, their position in the world over their destinies. So adding more shame to that might not be the biggest deal for some. But it just melts in with everything else. And then it might not affect them as much compared to others, but this is a very, it can be so different from every individual.
Also depending on which age you're in and everything else. But for many people and many adoptees that has experienced sexual abuse or trauma are usually pretty disconnected to their bodies. Which means that, sex might work, it might be pretty much as it should from their perspective or their idea of how a sex should work or be, [00:17:00] but it might also be that they're not feeling or experiencing pleasure.
They're not feeling that sex or sexual connection is something that is liberating, is something that is playful, is something that is funny and it's something that they have the right to choose a hundred percent if they wanna be involved with or not. But it could also be as certain things or certain situations like being, becoming pregnant, for example, or getting the information that you know, I'm going to be a father or whatever it might be for that person, might trigger something connected to this shame, which might make it impossible for those people to even want to touch somebody else or wanting to be touched. But the strong longing in general that we have for [00:18:00] finding our way home and melting together with somebody again or, becoming one or, returning to that place where we are supposed to be and where things were supposed to be different. And I'm talking in a very subconscious level now, but sex could also be, a way to represent that.
So between, the one side not wanting to be intimate, not wanting to have sexual connections at all, not enjoying it, to having much more than what might be, in the best interest of that person in that time because of that longing or because we are re, redoing something or we are trying to figure something out that's not a hundred percent clear.
That could also put us in pretty tricky situations because usually we don't feel good at all [00:19:00] if we're having sex for a reason, that we're actually not really a hundred percent clear. What that reason is
Haley Radke: For someone who maybe hasn't told anybody about this at all and is keeping it secret all these years.
It is now oh, maybe this is impacting my life. Maybe I should look at the past and like maybe examine this and bring it into the light and work on healing from this trauma. This can be really scary and feel life threatening. What are some ways that. You can open the door or know that you're safe to do let's say safe to look at something that can be so terrifying.
Anna Linde, MSc: I've just, for majority of people, this is how it feels, that it is terrifying, because even if we feel [00:20:00] that shame or that guilt or that fear or whatever strong emotion it might be. When we accept that it's there, it usually, blows up to a hundred percent strength and it feels like it might actually kill us, but that's not, that's not what it, what's going to happen, or that's not how it is.
But I would say maybe write it down. Start by writing what you remember. Or what happened, or write down how this episode feels to listen on, because it's not only, now I'm going to go and heal this. I need to fix it. But it's also allowing yourself to look at this that happened in your own pace and being with yourself.
Because almost everyone who has [00:21:00] been exposed or violated sexually has had, have the experience of having their bodies for somebody else. And if we are going to, move back to your bodies for you, your sexual or intimate connections is for you, then we need to go backwards and restore that.
In every place that it's possible. So writing it down what you remember, what you are thinking about, allowing yourself to feel everything that you're feeling about it, angry, sad, disappointed, disgusted, everything then feel it, write it down and be with yourself in that. But also that shame and guilt, usually both. The tricky part is to remember and to understand and remember that it's not yours. The [00:22:00] shame is not ours because we got exposed for something. The shame is the other person or persons, the abusers that overstepped your boundaries in this like tragic and horrible ways. And maybe multiple times they are supposed to feel this shame because shame is socially here for us to know how to navigate being with other people and because then you feel the shame that they are supposed to feel.
It's called secondary shame. That's also a thing. You can Google shame and secondary shame and just get that concept into your head so that you can start to make a difference. And that's two things that I think everybody can do and should do, can do. But I'm also thinking it's important to think forward.
Like what would you like, what is the best, what is the goal? What is the best [00:23:00] outcome? Like, where do you want to go? What does healing mean for you? And I talk a lot about sexual liberation, then maybe also that, what does that mean? For you personally or for the person listen personally and start to look at that, because with that, as in front of us or with that as an idea, then it's actually possible to start to navigate towards, but without an idea of what it means to be free or healed.
Which maybe means, I would start to date again, or I would start to date, ever. I never did or I would be more brave. I would try new things or I would take initiative or, it can be so many different things. So to start to think about that as well, to not get totally stuck in the pain or in the emotional, like anxiety and mess that it's [00:24:00] always a mess when we're trying to heal us.
Haley Radke: And what about for people who have maintained contact or relationship with the perpetrators and what does that look like into adulthood if you're starting to examine this? I don't know if you have tips on this or ideas for support. 'cause this is this is a big one.
Anna Linde, MSc: Yeah, that's a tricky one.
And the first thing I'm thinking is everybody who does this has a reason. Nobody does it because it's logic and made sense. And it was in the book that we were supposed to do it. Everybody has a reason and that reason, whatever that reason is, it's okay. We cannot do more than our best. And staying in contact with that person or those persons.
And if it's the parents or the relatives, which is, [00:25:00] common. Also siblings, like you said, also common. It's also the, it might be the only family we got and if you're in that position that you feel no, that this is the only family you got. You also heard that you're supposed to be grateful. And you're trying to balance that, that experience with, I might lose exactly everybody, and I'm nobody and nobody wants me.
That that's that's not funny. That's a bleep situation to be in. So for anybody who felt that they needed to choose between those two things, that choice cannot have been easy. And it's probably haunting them every day. And a lot of respect for everybody in that situation, trying to do their best with something that is really hard for people in general to understand or to even grasp, because people don't get it.
And it's [00:26:00] the same with a lot of people having a hard time leaving a partner that is abusive. But it's a similar fear because if the fear of abandonment or the fear of being alone is that strong, we cannot leave, then, that's a strong fear. Otherwise, it would've been easier to make a decision based on logic.
But majority of people are not doing that. So it's not, it's not so easy. Also, actually people who have the experience of being sexually abused or, physically abused, it's very easy to accidentally also become somebody that is abusing others. And then the shame and guilt is double.
And then how, how the hell, what, how do you get out of that? Because you usually get a lot of, moral and punishment from the society from [00:27:00] being an abuser or somebody that is violating other people's rights. And it's also important that majority of, people abusing others have this experience as well.
They were abused when they grew up, and that's it. Like we need to remember that as well. And I do this type of work. I coach people also around sexual trauma of course, because it's a very big thing. So I'm thinking if somebody like have an immediate question or feels like they would like to know more or have more, I don't know, ideas on what to do, then they could just send me an email maybe and better than emailing you in this case. I would also say.
Haley Radke: Yeah, I can't help you. I can't help you.
Anna Linde, MSc: No.
Haley Radke: If people ever wonder why I closed down all my dms and why my emails are private, it's things like this, Anna, I'm laughing about [00:28:00] it, but it's so difficult to hear people's deep traumatic events and know, there's nothing I can do to help.
I'm so sorry. It just, it's a weight that people carry and I don't I don't want you to have to carry that, I want you to get help and support and heal from these things, and I can't help you.
Anna Linde, MSc: No, but it's not, you're not supposed to know how to do it unless you learn how to do it also.
Haley Radke: Yes.
Anna Linde, MSc: Because it's, it is tricky. And it was tricky for me, and I think every, every professional experience that it's tricky in the beginning and it's probably different for us that have experience of similar things or similar experiences, probably different for us in this position. But I would say it's, it's important to protect yourself from getting overwhelmed because [00:29:00] then we are accidentally in a new trauma somehow, then I would say it's better to do this, that we talk and we are talking about it like this. And if also if I get a lot of question, we can do a follow up and we could answer those questions together. This could also be a way to pin down things not to traumatize everybody else but we can probably make that work. Some point.
Haley Radke: Let's talk about this. How would you like, give us some tips, like what are some things we can do to navigate, so you talked about writing a letter to ourselves or like recording what happened or what you hope will happen if you examine this and do some healing work. How do you find supports. I don't think this is something people should be doing on their own, frankly, because it is so it's such a deep wound. Anything sexual, it's just such a deep core woundedness, that you're touching.
Anna Linde, MSc: [00:30:00] Yeah, it is, and I think we are a little, in general, we're a little out of resources to handle, sexual health in general in the world, which is a sad part.
I put together a group together with Katherine Garland, and she wrote a book about being addicted to sex or like overusing sex and what she did, how she did, and why she did it. So we have a two day course or a two day two session workshop where we're going to talk more about this in May. So for anybody who's interested, you can find that link at your page somewhere.
Haley Radke: Yeah, we'll definitely put it in the show notes for folks for sure. And if you're listening in the future, we'll put whatever else Anna's got coming up for you.
Anna Linde, MSc: But I would say it's exactly like you're saying. We do need to heal in community because we need community as well. [00:31:00] But I would suggest that we look closer to what does it actually mean?
Because you already survived this. You survived it big time. Now we just need to look closer at the symptoms and at the consequences of your survival and make sure that you are reaching the best level in your sexual health in your life in, what it means for you. But you can always, remind yourself that you are a survivor.
You're not, this is not something that, you know, even if you replay this in your head, but if this is not something that is happening to you now, today, tomorrow, yesterday, then you survived it, and that's really important. Because you, you did already. And then you can look at what did I do? Like what strategies have I been using already?
And are they good or are they not? [00:32:00] But I also am thinking if you have a really good friend, then maybe it's possible to tell that friend that something bad happened to me when I was younger and I never thought about it this much as I'm doing now. But I am, and I'm going to look for a way to handle this differently 'cause I realize that, this is affecting me a lot and I just needed to say it. With, with, keep the information, keep most of the details for you because people are really bad in handling details in general. Around adoptees we very often get to hear that we're supposed to be grateful.
What would've happened if you stayed, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, which is a hundred percent not what you wanna hear when you're sharing something that is important. So also, keep yourself safe from that. [00:33:00]
Haley Radke: When people are starting to look at this and examine and do some healing work, like what are some things you can look for to know that your, your work on it is helping and is freeing you from this shame?
Anna Linde, MSc: That's a really good question. And it's hard work. It's like everything we do, it's hard work and our sexual identity is one of the layers of identities that we have and that we walk around in every day. And for, for me to express my sexuality in a way that, I can incorporate that I deserve pleasure.
That means that my sexual identity and everything else that I'm carrying in my body needs to be in line with I deserve pleasure or I deserve to have a good life. And sometimes these two things are not, they're not correlating, [00:34:00] but only from, a sexual perspective, a sexual health perspective, is that you deserve pleasure.
And that's the first thing I would say. You deserve it. You're not supposed to do anything or have sex because you should, because that's what we do. That's what expected, no, it's not like it's not. We have the right to redefine this and we should continue to redefine this all the time and the right to feel pleasure.
It's not only sexually, but that's emotionally, that's mentally that, physically, that socially we have the right to feel pleasure about what we're doing, where we are in the context we're in, or what, whatever's going on. And one way to look at that is of course, what does it mean for me to feel pleasure sexually and how is that in [00:35:00] situations where I'm alone with my body?
I want to touch myself. I want to explore then do I know what is pleasurable or not? Do I feel it? Do I know? Do I, do I, could I write the list of five things I like or is it just a, a surprise every time? Because then maybe exploring ourselves more what we actually like. It's like choosing writing a list of five dishes you like to eat.
Because we are supposed to actually know what we like, so we can navigate towards that. And with that, of course, take the time to redefine sex. What does it mean? What kind of attitudes do we have? What kind of ideas do I have about what is normal or not? What is okay or not what I should do or not like, what is going on in my head?
And usually [00:36:00] these norms mirror, the society as it is. But it could also mirror the idea I have about myself and the ideas I have about sex. So if I have a lot of negative experiences or one negative experience, then I might, think or feel that sex is, it is unsafe for me to have sex, it's unsafe for me to be in sexual connection.
And it's, that's how it is. And we can make new meanings. We have the right to do that. But then again, we need to know what kind of new moods we want to have. And what is important.
Haley Radke: Okay. I'm gonna interrupt the question because I'm curious what you think about this in trying to think about even what we like and you mentioned like dishes we like and things. So many of us struggle with boundaries and this is so [00:37:00] connected. Yeah.
Anna Linde, MSc: Yes. It is because if we're not, if we don't know what a true no is. And it's very hard for us to know how a yes feels and they come together. It's really, it's a lot of people that thinks and feels that it's scary to say, no, we don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings.
We don't wanna make anybody sad. We might never learn that it's okay for us to say no. And when we say no, somebody's, giving us guilt or shaming us for what we're saying. If we're never able to express a no, that's not for me, or no, I'm not hungry, or no I don't want it, or whatever it might be, then we will have a really hard time knowing where our yes are as well.
So for anybody who, feels this, that [00:38:00] we're saying, a lot of people are bad in saying no and not feeling that it's okay to have boundaries. Then I would say, you can remind yourself of who is the person that is the most difficult to say no to, and who around you is the person that is the most easiest to say no to?
And remind yourself that's how different it could be only between people that you met or that you have around you, but also in which situation is it okay for you to say no? Is it okay to say no thank you I'm not going to buy anything when you're walking out from a store? Or do you also get a bad feeling, not buying anything because you think whatever you might think about the person working there, being sad or whatever it might be. But also in, a sexual setting we're not supposed to do anything that we don't want [00:39:00] so that the other person will not get sad. I'm like that's a very, that's a very not beautiful and not amazing way to look at sexual health.
And I try to say this to kids, to teenagers, when I have those type of groups and especially to their parents that do you want your 13-year-old to give somebody a blowjob after school because otherwise that person would get, would feel sad. Is that a valid, is it a valid reason? Because it's not, and then this is not how we're supposed to think about it in general.
Haley Radke: That's a good point. That's a very good point Anna. Um, I really appreciate you talking to us about this extremely difficult topic. I think you've given us a lot to think about. Is there any last things you wanna leave us with before we tell people where we can connect with you and [00:40:00] find out more resources?
Anna Linde, MSc: I think, the more you think about sexual health. The more you think about sexology, the more you realize that it's not only something about me and somebody else, or me and other people, but it's about norms in the society that tells us what is okay or not. And it's about ideas from culture or from religions or from politicians that are creating what is actually possible to do or not in so many different ways and levels. And we can, we can challenge this all the time. And one way that I, it's funny to challenge for yourself is to just, you can ask yourself, which words am I comfortable in using? If I would describe my body, for example, then which words am I actually comfortable in using?
Would I like when you, [00:41:00] now maybe I cannot say these words now because I realize that you're going to air this and you, might get sensored but which words is okay? Which words can you use? And is there other words that you're not using and what happens if you use them? What happens if you use one of those words instead?
Can you practice? What happens if you say that word 10 times? It could be so easy. So so to say the word period, like I'm on my period. Okay. But is that are you feeling stressed or anxious about using that word? Then maybe that's something to practice. That's a thing. That's how we can actually change what we're doing and what is going on.
Haley Radke: Okay. I was thinking in my head of all the words and I was like, please don't make me say any of these words and you didn't. So thanks.
Anna Linde, MSc: Trying not to say them out loud because usually I just say [00:42:00] them out loud.
Haley Radke: Yes.
Anna Linde, MSc: And now I was like. Maybe you need to cut them off. No, that's a lot of work.
That's tricky. And then I thought, okay, I really need to work now not to say that.
Haley Radke: We'll just have a string of beeps in here and then people will just imagine what you said. No. Okay. Where can we connect with you online and find out about working with you or other courses or things that you're offering?
Anna Linde, MSc: I do a lot of things. A lot of things. So I have an individual coaching program where there is prerecorded like sessions or like homework sessions, exercises, and you still get, I think it's nine, I don't remember right now. I think it's nine individual sessions and the handouts to every team that we're working with.
So that's one way that is maybe the easiest one to work with me. Otherwise, I have groups together with other [00:43:00] professionals and other colab partners because it's funny to do things together. This group in May that I was talking about is the closest one or one closest in time. Easiest is to find me at, I think Substack, theadoptedsexologist.Substack.com.
And on Instagram, I'm also theadoptedsexologist. Which is also my webpage, theadoptedsexologist.com. I'm trying not to be so complicated. Let's see. I, it's too complicated anyway, but I think Substack is the best place because there I also have some recordings trying to do some podcasting on my own. Upload some freebies and stuff. That's fun.
Haley Radke: Perfect. We will link to all those things. And your newly published article, Who I Am or Who You Make Me To Be, Adult Adoptees Imprisoned by Expectations and Intimate Meetings. So folks can read a little more of your [00:44:00] research there.
Anna Linde, MSc: That's correct. I don't celebrate that enough actually. Thank you for reminding us.
Haley Radke: Oh, absolutely. Thank you so much. I'm really excited to share this episode with listeners and for folks to pass it on to, people who've been impacted by childhood sexual abuse. I hope it's super helpful for them. Thank you, Anna.
Anna Linde, MSc: Thank you. It was very nice to be here and very nice that you take on such an important topic.
Haley Radke: I hope that was helpful for you to think through some of the impacts that this may have had on you. And I think, I don't think we've really talked about this in the episode, but I really have this belief that our brains let us know when we're ready to open the next thing to work on, if we [00:45:00] really examined our whole lives and all the traumatic things that have impacted us and we like, opened our brains up like a book and just saw everything all at once.
No, nobody can handle that. No human can handle. And looking back at all these like crazy things that have happened to them. But I think our brains do things, a couple things at a time so we can be safe. So only examine this if this feels like a safe time for you and you'll know. I think you'll know. I love that Anna is doing a workshop. There are some resources linked in the show notes for you and I, it's really neat that she's a sexologist and she's like a total expert in this area. Lots of trauma-informed therapists like that you may already be working with will also be skilled and able to help you through some of these things.
If you're [00:46:00] able to ask your therapist and open up that convo if they're not able to, I'm sure they can also refer you on to a specialist in that area. So get the professional support that you deserve. I know sometimes therapy can feel inaccessible and often it is for many folks. But there are so many amazing free resources therapy supports for adopted people experts in this field more and more.
Don't just be like, oh, I just can't, don't do that. Take good care of yourself. We need you to be here. And the more we work on these things, like we're just able to show up for ourselves more and our people more, and have a happier, healthier, joy-filled, meaningful life. And that's, [00:47:00] isn't that what it's all about? I don't know. That's my personal opinion.
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to listen and I really hope you had some good takeaways from this. And if you do know someone who's had, who's experienced childhood sexual abuse of some kind maybe share this episode with them if you think it might be helpful.
And it can be a resource hopefully. Thank you so much for listening. Let's talk again soon.
